"So...ya wanna....have some cake?"

"Call me unpredictable, tell me I'm impractical,

Rainbows, I'm inclined to pursue,

Call me irresponsible, yes, I'm unreliable,

But it's undeniably true,

I'm irresponsibly mad for you..."

-Papa's Delicate Condition, 1963

I've never been one to be the first to put forth the moves. Oh, sure, I'll obsess about you. I'll daydream all day long about how we're going to stumble into each other in the rain, you'll offer to buy me a cup of coffee to make up for it, and the next thing you know there will be wedding bells and 4 beautiful tow-headed children running around our gorgeous front lawn....but I'll NEVER be the one to be forward. I won't offer you my number, I won't say "hi" first, but I WILL spend time on the treadmill creating the most elaborate reveries about our impending life together.

I'm insane. But honestly, what girl DOESN'T get a little carried away from time to time?

I'm constantly talking about how difficult it is to meet eligible men in New York City, and the response I've gotten from most of my male friends is, "Well, why don't YOU ask someone out? Give someone your number! Go for it! Guys love that!"

Eh...well...here's why I don't.

Senior year of college, there was one strapping young lad in my theatre circle. He was a little bit of an oddball, DEFINITELY the crunchy, artsy, impossible to read type. He had the most delicious blue eyes and wavy blonde hair that he could never be bothered to wash. I've noticed through the years that I am strangely drawn to this scruffy type. If you look homeless and can remotely look good holding a stringed instrument, chances are I'll drop trou right in the middle of the street.

I digress.

Hippy-boy was always into all these intense theatre pieces, so if I ever ran into him outside of class I would just bring up something depressing OR the vast enigma that is mother nature. Worked every time. We had a few delightful conversations and I just enjoyed being swallowed into his swimmy stormy irises. I developed a small crush on him. Nothing too intense, but I knew that if the opportunity arose, I would jump him.

Well, the opportunity arose. It was a Saturday night at Mill Creek Apartments, where ALL the theatre parties happened. It was someone's birthday, and everyone looked nice. I chose to wear a KILLER white Marylin Monroe dress. I've only gotten positive responses for this dress, so I figured I would be in good standing.

After a little liquid courage (being about 4 cocktails), I made my way over to where hippy-boy was standing on the porch. We stood, we chatted, I admired his chiseled shoulders and LOVED the way his mellow demure stuck out from all the other flambuoyant personalities at the party that put so much effort into sticking out. He stood out completely effortlessly. About 20 minutes into the conversation, I was struggling with an internal monologue that went something like this:

"Um...JUST GO FOR IT! GO FOR IT! You're wearing a hot dress, and, he's a GUY, why wouldn't he respond well?!! Lean in! Take the plunge! Touch his arm, take his hand! Move closer! For God's sake, just GO FOR IT!!!!"

Being someone who has never been aggressive.....the best I could come up with (which I blurted out awkwardly): "So, um...I have some beer and cake at home...um, ya know, so...do you wanna come home? Like, ya know....."

Come HOME?!?! What?!? As soon as I heard it come out of my mouth I wanted to vomit all over myself. No, I couldn't have slyly brushed his arm and kissed him on the cheek, I had to just be THE MOST AWKWARD human being in the universe.

Hippy Boy took one long glance up and down my figure, cocked his head to one side and said, "Nah.....I'm gonna say no."

Oh god. OH GOD. I was crushed, obviously, but at the same time I had given THE MOST absurd excuse for a pick up line. I don't have a suave hair on my head when it comes to this dating stuff. And I'll tell ya something, grace sure isn't coming along with age.

Putting myself out there in this particular scenario was definitely the irresponsible thing to do, but I really believe that one of these days responding irresponsibly to someone is going to get the win!

I mean that in a strictly non-trashy way, of course. Not win like, "Dude, I TOTALLY scored with this random dude last night...". NO. I mean like, being a little irresponsible with my remarks will charm some lucky fellow INTO my life someday. Maybe.